


As Told By The Pevensies

by LucyCrewe11 (Raphaela_Crowley)



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types
Genre: Fluff and Humor, Gen, Hilarity Ensues, Not Serious, POV Alternating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-20
Updated: 2020-07-20
Packaged: 2021-03-04 20:47:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25412611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Raphaela_Crowley/pseuds/LucyCrewe11
Summary: While cleaning up after a house party gone wrong, Peter, Edmund, and Susan try to answer one little question, "What REALLY happened last night?"
Comments: 2
Kudos: 7





	1. Peter's Story

**Author's Note:**

> Originally written June 2009.
> 
> A/N: Okay, so have you ever watched a tv show that showed something happening and went back and re-showed it through all the different character's points of view? Well, basicly, the plot is this: Edmund, Peter, and Susan had a party, got in trouble for it and they all have different ideas about what really happened.

"How did this whole thing blow up in our faces?" Edmund grumped as he walked over to the other side of the living room, carrying an already over-flowing garbage bag.

Susan didn't answer him; she was too busy thinking about how long it was going to take her to get all of this gunk out of her nail-beds when they finally finished cleaning up.

Peter glared at him tossing a glass soda-bottle he'd just found in one of the couch cushions into Edmund's garbage bag. "Don't look at me, this one is _your_ fault."

"It is not!" Edmund protested sullenly, struggling to tie the ends of the bag closed, accidentally banging the side of this elbow into Susan and knocking into her so that she flipped over and landed on the other side of the couch with an automatic, "Oof!"

"Sorry, Su." Edmund let go of the trash bag and went over to help her up.

"It's okay," She sneered angrily, rubbing the back of her scalp. "My _head_ broke my fall."

"Well, I still don't think it's fair that I'm getting blamed for everything that happened last night when Susan here was the one who invited those idiot girls from her English class-that's when things really went sour." Edmund said, desperate for them to cut him a little slack.

"So you're getting back at me by giving me a concussion?" Susan snapped, slapping her younger brother on the arm.

"Ah-ha!" Edmund exclaimed triumphantly, sticking his finger in her face. "So you admit what happened was your fault."

"Get your smelly finger out of my face!" Susan demanded, shoving her brother's hand away.

"Don't shove me." Edmund snapped, slapping her hand away from his hand.

A rather nasty brother/sister slap fight smack down might have taken place right then and there if Peter hadn't intervened and stepped in-between them. "Stop it, both of you!"

"She started it." Edmund grumbled, folding his arms across his chest.

"Look, if it makes you feel any better, I think you _both_ share the blame." Peter said calmly, putting a hand on Susan's shoulder so that she didn't reach over and punch Edmund as the look on her face suggested she very well might be thinking about doing. Glancing over at his brother, he added, "You were the one who invited the rugger team over for supper, remember?"

"Come on, Peter," Edmund huffed incredulously. "You can't really believe that the two of us were the only ones to blame for what happened. Remember the trouble _you_ got us into last night?"

"I don't know what's wrong with your perception, my brother, but I can assure you, I remember perfectly well exactly what happened here last night." Peter retorted not sure if he should or should not feel insulted by what Edmund had just said to him.

"Then pray tell, Peter." Susan told him rather crossly. "Why don't you enlighten us on what happened last night since our memories seem to be so poor."

At least Peter had the decency to blush apologetically, realizing that he must have sounded rather pompous to them even if he was only trying to defend himself because he truly believed he was in the right. Well, supposing he did go back and explain what had happened? Then, maybe they'd see his point and the matter could be settled and dropped.

With that, Peter cleared his throat. "Fine, Susan, if you insist."

_What happened at the Pevensie household last night, Peter's point of view:_

"Okay dearest children." Mrs. Pevensie sang out in a cheerful timbre like a happy sparrow's call, as she scooped up her red leather purse and car keys. "I'm taking Lucy to a sleepover at Marjorie's house; then I'm meeting your father at a restaurant for supper tonight." She put her hand on Peter's shoulder. "I know you'll do a good job keeping things quiet here." She glanced over at Edmund who was stuffing a large powered pastry into his mouth and shook her head. "Why didn't I decide to stop after two children?"

Peter looked at her and smiled sweetly. "Because then you wouldn't have had Lucy, mother dearest."

A bright golden halo lit-up over his head following a sweet, musical dinging sound as he smiled graciously. Mrs. Pevensie beamed with pride.

 _Edmund's voice cutting into the story: "_ Hey! Mum never said that! And 'Mother dearest'? Seriously? And what's with the halo?"

 _Peter's voice answering: "_ Hey yourself, this is my story, stay out of it!"

Susan walked down the stairs and strolled over to the mirror over near the lamp-stand in the corner were she proceeded to put on bright orange lipstick, applying way more than her fair share.

"Quit holding up traffic." Edmund chuckled jumping in-between the mirror and Susan so he could comb his hair.

"Edmund, I was there first." Susan said rather irritably.

Edmund rolled his eyes. "Your face isn't big enough to hold that much make-up anyway."

"Why can't the two of you be more like your wonderful brother?" Mrs. Pevensie sighed mournfully, kissing her eldest son goodbye on the forehead before dashing out the door.

"I'm calling the rugger team over for pizza." Edmund announced, finally moving out of the way of the mirror, much to Susan's delight as she rushed towards it and started applying black eyeliner.

 _Susan's voice cutting into the story:_ "Brown."

 _Peter's voice answering:_ "What?"

 _Susan's voice:_ "The eyeliner was brown, not black."

 _Peter's voice:_ "Can the two of you please save your comments until the end?"

 _Susan's voice:_ "Just saying."

 _Peter's voice_ : "Okay, fine."

"I'm calling the rugger team over for pizza" Edmund announced, finally moving out of the way of the mirror, much to Susan's delight as she rushed towards it and started applying _brown_ eyeliner.

 _Peter's voice:_ "There, Su, are you happy now?"

 _Susan's voice:_ "Yes, thank you."

 _Peter's voice:_ "Okay, now on with my story, no more interruptions."

Peter shook his head and put an understanding hand on Edmund's shoulder. "Brother, I understand your deep inner need to connect with your peers but I fear dreadfully that inviting them would upset mother and as she has put me in charge-"

With an angry snort, Edmund brushed his brother's gesture of kindness away and stormed over to the telephone, proceeding to call the rugger team over anyway.

"That seems terribly discourteous." Peter said, putting his hand to his heart.

"Edmund, your rugger friends can't come over tonight." Susan whined, rushing over and pulling the telephone out of his hand. "I promised my friends from English class that we'd have a girl's night in."

"That's going to be kind of hard with me and Peter here, don't you think?" Edmund laughed, uncurling her fingers from around the phone in an attempt to take it back from her.

"Here's ten pounds." Susan let him take the phone so she could fumble around her purse for her wallet and press money into her brothers' palms. "Please just disappear for a few hours, alright?"

"My darling sister, O delight of my eyes, it seemth to me that I should perhaps go upstairs and take a nap until your female friends vacate our house, pleaseth let not the furniture be ruined." Peter said kindly, smiling at Susan and handing the money back to her.

Edmund slipped the money she'd given him into his pocket even though he had no plans to leave that evening and still intended to invite the rugger team.

 _Edmund's voice cutting in:_ "Peter, seriously? 'O, delight of my eyes'? When did we turn into Calormenes? And why are you turning some words into Elizabethan English? I mean we may be a bit of an old fashioned family, but that's just insane."

 _Peter's voice answering:_ "Ed?"

 _Edmund's voice:_ "Yeah?"

 _Peter's voice: "_ Shut up."

 _Edmund's voice:_ "I don't want to."

 _Susan's voice chiming in:_ "By the way, Ed, I want that money you pocketed back."

 _Edmund's voice:_ "Uh...I...Oh, by the Lion, Su! Will you please shut up and let Peter tell his story? You are being very rude interrupting it every three seconds. I don't know how you put up with her sometimes, Pete."

And so, trusting his siblings whole heartedly, Peter went upstairs and took a nice long nap. When he awoke an hour or so later, stretching his arms above his head and sighing happily, he heard an awful din coming from downstairs. He rushed down, frightened that his siblings might be in some sort of danger-perhaps a burglar or something-only to find a wild party going on in the living room!

The rugger team was playing a game of 'Toss Mrs. Pevensie's expensive oriental vase around like a football' while a bunch of guys Peter don't even know where sitting around clipping their toe nails and then flinging them at one another. A group of girls that Peter vaguely recognized as Susan's friends were standing in a circle gossiping loudly. The music was loud and he also thought he saw at least four couples making out in the living room corners.

Peter rushed over to the radio and turned the volume down. "Please, people, don't be alarmed, but I must ask that you leave my house. This party was accidentally thrown without parental consent and-" before he could finish his sentence he was picked up by three very large boys and shoved into a closet.

From the closet, Peter could hear the sound of the crazy party going on. Though he was terribly worried about the possibly permanent damage being done to the house, he didn't loose his head, he remembered his days as high king of Narnia and calmly knocked on the door a few times to remind passersby that he was in there. After his knuckles grew wearily, he calmed himself by humming his little sister Lucy's favorite hymn, 'ode to Aslan'.

The next thing he knew, his mother was opening the closet door and glaring at him before he had a chance to explain what had happened.

_End of Peter's story_

Susan wrinkled her nose, looking at her brother with complete disgust. "That is _not_ what happened!"

Edmund let go of the broom he had been sweeping with while listening to Peter's account of how they'd gotten into this mess and walked over to his brother, staring deeply into his right ear.

A little freaked out, Peter moved away slightly and glanced at Edmund nervously. "What are you doing?"

"I'm looking for a way in there." Edmund joked. "I'm sure your mind is full of parallel worlds where that story would possibly, vaguely, maybe make a little teeny bit of sense or be even partly accurate."

Peter shoved him away. "Quit breathing so heavily on my ear."

"Edmund has a point, Peter." Susan laughed, rolling her eyes. "The world according to you does come across as rather... _unique_..."

"Well, I suppose one of you has a better way of explaining how all this happened?" Peter huffed, waving his arm at the trash-filled, torn-up living room.

Susan and Edmund glanced at each other and shrugged. "Most likely."


	2. Susan's Story

"Peter, I say this because I care," Susan said slowly, gently griping her brother by the shoulders. "You. Are. Insane."

"I. Am. Not." He said back just as slowly.

"Come on, Peter." Susan rolled her eyes. "You can't seriously think your story explains _anything_ that happened last night."

"I've been telling Mum they should lock him up for years but no one listened to me." Edmund joked, picking up a greasy hoagie wrapper with a pair of tongs, attempting to fling it over to the trash without actually making contact with it.

"That's because I'm her favorite." Peter teased, reached over and lightly whacking his brother over the head.

Edmund rolled his eyes and glanced down at the rug, hoping the red stain was juice and not blood-just like he desperately hoped the stain in the far corner of the room was apple juice and not pee.

Susan bent over and attempted to remove a stack of what she guessed was nachos and cheese off of the cover of one of their father's books. "I just cannot get over how you view last night." She sighed, shaking her head at Peter.

"Fine, then." Peter huffed, trying to scrape what looked like a mixture of gum and snot off of the bottom of the coffee table. "Then why don't _you_ explain what happened last night?"

"Yeah," Edmund sneered, turning on her suddenly. "Too afraid you'll realize this whole mess is your own fault?"

"You know what?" Susan snapped, putting her hands on her hips. "I _am_ going to explain what happened last night."

_What happened at the Pevensie household last night, Susan's point of view:_

"Alright, children," Mrs. Pevensie said with a kindly smile on her face as she grabbed her purse and headed for the door. "I've got to drop Lucy off at Marjorie's." She looked both ways, glancing at her oldest daughter as she walked down the stairs wearing a glittering diamond tiara on her head. Her hair was curled and clipped up neatly on one side with the other side fell straightly over the edge of the tiara.

"Hullo, Mummy." Susan said in a very polite and proper voice, waving her hand in greeting to anyone else who should happen to be in the room to be sure that no one in her wonderful family whom she loved so dearly would be left out. "Have fun tonight."

"I will, dear." Mrs. Pevensie sighed, her smile widening just a little bit as she glanced away from her daughter, scanning the room for her eldest son. "Peter?" She paused, seeming a bit confused. "Where's Peter?"

"He's right over there, Mum." Susan said helpfully, motioning over to the couch where Peter sat, having a sort of stare-down with a chess board set up on the coffee table.

Laughing madly, Peter threw his head back and exclaimed (to himself), "Hang it all, Peter, you've put my king in check!" He stood up, put on his father's glasses-which had been left near the reading lamp in the middle of the room-and walked over to the other side of the chess board. "Ha-ha! I, High King Peter the magnificent, have defeated even the greatest in the world, myself! Ha ha ha!"

 _Peter's voice cutting into the story: "_ Susan Pevensie! I do not talk to myself like that! And playing chess against one's self is a way to improve mental skills, it in no way insinuates that I have a split personality problem!"

 _Susan's voice answering:_ "Peter, calm down, you already had your turn. Now just let me tell the story."

 _Peter's voice:_ "Okay, okay."

"Peter, I need to put you in charge tonight." Mrs. Pevensie said gravely, shaking her head as her son, peering up at her with a dumbstruck look on his face, sighed deeply.

"Very well, I suppose that comes of being the eldest." Peter said dejectedly in a resigned tone of voice.

"If only Susan had come first." Mrs. Pevensie said, looking over at Susan as she carefully and sparingly began applying a little bit of light make-up, focusing on the mirror so that she didn't accidentally put too much on.

"Yes, if only." Peter agreed solemnly. "She's smarter than me, better looking than me, and unlike me, knows what gastrovascular means."

 _Edmund's voice cutting into the story:_ "That has got to be the biggest bold-face lie I have ever heard!"

 _Peter's voice:_ "Thank you!"

 _Edmund's voice:_ "I meant the amount of make-up she was putting on, not you."

 _Peter's voice:_ "Fine. Then I wasn't thanking you."

 _Susan's voice interrupting them:_ "This is my story, keep out of it!"

 _Peter's voice:_ "And she says _I_ have an ego problem!"

 _Susan's voice:_ "Ahem!"

"Out of the way, you!" Edmund bounced into the living room, shoving Susan away from the mirror.

"Ed-" Susan protested weakly, reaching up and fixing her tiara which had nearly been knocked off with one hand while placing the other delicately on her heart. "I was there first..."

Edmund turned up his nose and rolled his eyes. "I'm doing you a favor, Su! Your face can't hold up all that make-up without crumbling."

"Oh, Edmund!" Mrs. Pevensie said sadly, reaching out a tender hand to comfort her daughter briefly before she left. "Why do you have to be so mean to your poor sister?"

"I'm sorry, Susan." Edmund said moving out of the way of the mirror. "Now to show you how sorry I am-" He looked over at the doorway to make sure their mother was really gone. "I'm going to call my rugger friends over for pizza even though I _know_ you had plans to use our living room tonight."

Peter looked up from his chess set and glared at his brother. "Look here, Ed! I know you want to have some fun with your friends tonight but you cannot just invite them over like this."

"Thank you, Peter." Susan said, she would have gotten misty-eyed but she didn't want to smudge the brown eyeliner she'd just finished applying.

"You can't have your friends over either!" Peter snapped meanly.

Forcing herself to remember her eyeliner, Susan blinked back her tears. "But Peter," she bit her lower lip and took a deep breath. "I _promised_ they could come. I can't go back on my word, that would be horrible..."

"You spend too much time with your friends as it is." Peter told her, unrelentingly.

A new realization dawned on Susan and her mouth formed a round O as it came to her. "I'm sorry, I know you both miss my company." She stretched out her arms to hug Edmund.

Edmund shoved her away and reached for the phone. "Get off me, prom queen!"

"Don't be so selfish!" Susan grabbed onto the phone and tried to pull it out of his hands.

"Back off!" Edmund hissed, pulling harder.

"Let go!" Susan pleaded.

"You let go." Edmund answered rudely, suddenly letting go and grabbing onto her purse.

"Hey, stay out of there!" Susan cried as he snapped the clasp open.

"Well doesn't the wittle princess have a dilemma!" Edmund laughed holding the purse out of her reach.

"What's it going to take?" She gulped, knowing the answer was sure to be rather painful.

"The phone," Edmund shot her a smug smile.

Desperately, Susan promised him ten pounds if he let her call her friends over and didn't bother them when they arrived. He took the bait, practically ripping the money out of her wallet.

"Hey!" Peter said sullenly, marching over to them as the bribe was taking place. "How come I didn't get anything?"

With a deep sigh, she pressed some money into her elder brother's palm as well. "Here."

"I don't want your charity!" Peter exclaimed self-righteously, tossing the money back to her.

"Well," Susan said slowly, shaking her head in wonder. How was it possible she was related to two such unreasonable jerks?

 _Peter and Edmund's voices cutting into the story at the same time_ : "Unreasonable jerks?!"

 _Susan's voice answering Peter:_ "Would you prefer older brother who still sleeps with a nightlight?"

 _Peter's voice:_ "That's for _reading_!"

 _Edmund's voice_ : "What about me? I don't sleep with a nightlight!"

 _Peter's voice:_ "Reading light!"

 _Susan's voice:_ "Well, Ed, why don't I change it to younger brother who once saved a piece of poop in a jar and then showed it to everyone?"

 _Edmund's voice:_ "Unreasonable jerks is fine with us, right Pete?"

 _Peter's voice:_ "I still say it's a reading light."

 _Edmund's voice:_ "You read in your sleep?"

 _Susan's voice_ : "Let me finish my story!"

Edmund hastily shoved the money she had given him into his pocket just in case she wanted it back (Which by the way, she still does).

Peter rubbed his forehead. "You two brats give me such a headache sometimes!" He yawned and looked towards the staircase. "I'm going to go take a nap and if there is any sign of either of you having fun when I wake up..." He paused and glared hard at both of them. "...Aslan help me." with that, he stormed up the stairs, tripping over a shoelace that had come undone.

"I think I willed that to happen." Edmund whispered to Susan.

As much as it pained her to admitted it, Susan sighed and said, "Me too."

Alas before poor Susan knew what had happened, Edmund's rugger team friends had arrived and had brought some more people with them and although they had not told her they were going to do so, Susan's friends arrived with their boyfriends, their boyfriends'...er... _acquaintances..._ and in one case, a beagle puppy. The next thing she knew, everyone was partying and dancing and before she could do anything about it, one of her friends came running up to her looking like they might faint.

Being the concerned, good-hearted person she was, Susan rushed over to her friend. Realizing she was hyperventilating, she handed her a paper bag.

"I think I'm in love." Her friend moaned in-between deep breaths into the bag following by gasping sounds and crinkling noises.

Not because she wanted to gossip, but because she was honestly concerned, Susan gently asked her who it was.

"He's younger than me." Her friend admitted sheepishly.

"That's okay." Susan patted her on the shoulder. "Who is it?"

"Promise you wont think it's weird?" Her friend asked hesitantly.

"I promise." She assured her, taking a sip of what she hoped was just regular fruit punch while she spoke.

"It's your younger brother."

"What?" Susan did a spit-take and choked on the remainder of the punch.

 _Edmund's voice cutting into the story:_ "One of your friends is in love with me?"

 _Peter's voice cutting in teasingly in a sing-songy tone:_ "Edmund's got a girl friend...Edmund's got a girlfriend..."

 _Susan's voice answering them:_ "Cut it out!"

 _Edmund's voice:_ "What does she look like, your friend I mean?"

 _Susan's voice:_ "Ed!"

 _Edmund's voice:_ "It's not the one with the unibrow is it?"

 _Susan's voice:_ "It doesn't matter!"

 _Edmund's voice:_ "Yes, actually, it really does."

 _Susan's voice:_ "Fine. If you must know, no, it is not the girl with the unibrow."

 _Peter's voice:_ "I wouldn't write her off, Ed. She'd probably be rather good-looking if she ever discovered tweezers."

 _Susan's voice:_ "Boys, I think I've been _very_ tolerant."

 _Edmund's voice:_ "Sorry."

Right when Susan was about to tell her apparently demented friend to seek help immediately, Peter rushed down the stairs.

"Who is _that_?" Susan's friend gasped in a dreamy voice.

"That would be my other brother." Susan winced, noticing the look on his face. "And he seems peeved."

Her friend started breathing into the bag again.

 _Edmund's voice cutting in briefly:_ "Thanks a lot, Pete."

 _Peter's voice:_ "Me? What did I do? All I did was walk down the stairs."

 _Edmund's voice:_ "Now Susan's friend likes you and not me!"

 _Susan's voice (getting rather huffy by this point):_ "You don't even _know_ her!"

 _Edmund's voice:_ "And now I never will."

Peter rushed over to the radio and turned it off. "I want you all out of my house now!"

"Hey, mate, that's so not how we roll!" One rather large-boned guy snapped at him, cracking his knuckles.

Peter let out a whimper as the boy and his friends grabbed him and hurled him into a closet. "Meep."

Right away, Susan rushed over to the closet to rescue her brother but just as her hand reached for the knob, she heard a voice behind her.

"Phyllis? Is that you?"

"Um, no?" Susan instantly turned around and raced up the stairs.

_End of Susan's story_

"So as you can see from my story," Susan finished calmly. "I am completely innocent; I spent pretty much the whole party hiding from that weird boy who thinks my name is 'Phyllis'."

"You could have let me out of the closet first." Peter grumbled, picking up a half-eaten bag of raisins from under the couch wondering why some of them were moving.

"And I thought Peter's story was pathetic." Edmund chuckled, shaking his head as he tied yet another garbage bag shut.


	3. Edmund's Story

"Hey, wait a minute." Peter said, his eyes narrowing in on Edmund suddenly. "If Susan was hiding from that weird boy who thinks her name is Phyllis and I was trapped because somebody-" He paused for a moment, taking his eyes off of Edmund for a second to glare briefly at Susan before turning back to his brother again. "-didn't let me out of the closet, why weren't you making sure the little juvenile delinquents in our house were not running a muck all over our living room?"

Feeling a little relieved that her elder brother no longer seemed to blame her for what had happened as much as he blamed Edmund, Susan nodded in agreement, folding her arms across her chest. "That's right, Ed. Where were _you_ all that time?"

Edmund disliked being ganged up on like that, however, he kept his cool for the most part and shook his head apathetically. "If either of you had gotten the story _right_ , maybe you'd know where I was."

"Well, then," Susan said, with a slight shrug of her shoulders. "Fair is fair, why don't you tell us your side of the story?"

Peter smirked and let out an amused whistle, motioning down at the half-cleared off couch. "I think I'll need to sit down for this one." He sat down for no less than ten seconds before yelping and reaching behind himself into the cushions, pulling out a half-eaten drumstick-the bone of which had just poked him in the butt.

Susan crinkled her forehead before rolling her eyes and handing him the dust pan; which he took in a rather dazed fashion, staring down at the drumstick as though he was a paleontologist who had just discovered a new fossil.

"I found chicken in the couch." Peter scowled at Edmund, waving the drumstick a few inches away from his nose. "You are never going to live this one down!"

Edmund put his hands on his hips and scowled right back at Peter, slapping the chicken bone out of his brother's hand. "We weren't even _serving_ chicken last night!"

The drumstick was air-borne for a few seconds before landing on the floor right in front of Susan who narrowly missed getting chicken-skins in her shoes. "Um, ew!"

"I'm going to tell my story now." Edmund announced, ignoring the dirty look Peter was still giving him.

_What happened at the Pevensie household last night, Edmund's point of view._

It had all started that morning when Edmund woke up and much to his deep annoyance, found that someone was already in the bathroom. He knocked on the door and Susan's voice answered, "Just a minute!"

An hour and a half later, the door finally opened and Edmund breathed a sigh of relief just as Peter ran into the bathroom before he could get to it.

"Hey!" Edmund protested, pounding on the door while Susan with a shrug of her shoulders and a quick flip of her hair strolled down the stairs.

"When you've got to go, you've got to go." Peter's voice groaned from inside the bathroom.

But I've been waiting for a bloody hour and a half! Edmund thought grumpily, huffing and folding his hands across his chest. He sat down on the floor with his back against the wall waiting for his brother to get out of the bathroom.

Finally the door opened and Peter walked out waving a newspaper to ward off the horrid smell that followed like a cloud of noxious gas.

Looking down semi-sympathetically at Edmund, Peter winced and said, "Believe me, Ed, you do not want to go in there."

 _Peter's voice cutting into the story:_ "What does that have to do with the party last night? I mean, is it really necessary to recap that?"

 _Edmund's voice answering:_ "Maybe, maybe not. Serves you right anyway. Brushing my teeth in that bathroom yesterday morning was torture!"

 _Peter's voice:_ "It wasn't my fault I had a sudden case of diarrhea. I'm not the only one in the family who's ever gotten a bad case of the runs remember the time that Susan-"

 _Susan's voice (nervous laughing):_ "Um, why don't we just let Edmund tell his story?"

By the time he went downstairs to get ready to clean up and invite the rugger team over for pizza that evening, things weren't much better. Susan was in front of the mirror yet again, dramatically fluffing her hair with one hand while putting on way too much make-up with the other one. Her lipstick was such a bright red that it looked like blood and her eyeliner which she was still putting on in ever-increasing generous amounts, was so black it made her look like she had a major case of insomnia.

 _Susan's voice cutting into the story:_ "For the last time, it was _brown_!"

 _Edmund's voice answering:_ "Sure, I'll change it to so brown, she looked like a clown. Sounds better, too."

 _Susan's voice:_ "On second thought, what does it matter if the eyeliner was black?"

 _Peter's voice responding to Susan:_ "You'd rather be on sleep meds than join the circus?"

 _Susan's voice:_ "Absolutely!"

 _Edmund's voice:_ "Ahem, I'm _trying_ to tell a story here!"

Clearing his throat, Edmund tried to gently nudge Susan to the side a little bit so that he could use the corner of the mirror.

"Out of my way, Eddie!" Susan snapped, shoving him away from the mirror so hard that he went spinning across the room and onto the couch, landing on Peter who busy playing chess by himself.

"Get off of me!" Peter exclaimed, irritated at being interrupted lifting his leg and knocking Edmund onto the floor. "No one," He waved his finger in the air warningly, "No one, messes with me because I am..." He stared randomly out into space and a strange drum roll seemed to echo out of no where. "High King Peter the magnificent."

Mrs. Pevensie came rushing by, barely looking up at her children as she rummaged around the coat hooks for her purse. "I've got to go now, dears, I've got to drop Marjorie off at Lucy's house." She paused for a moment to catch her breath, crinkled her forehead realizing what she'd just said, shook her head, and added, "Switch those."

"Mum-" Edmund started, but it was too late; she was already long out the door. Oh well, surely mum wouldn't mind if he invited the rugger team over; he'd done so once or twice before and she hadn't cared.

While continuing to examine herself in the mirror, Susan sighed and announced that she was going to invite the girls from her English class over and for Edmund and Peter to please keep out of the way until they were gone.

Lifting her eyebrows up in a tired, bored, vain sort of away and glancing rather condescendingly at her brothers, she said, "The last thing I need is to have my friends drooling and throwing themselves at the two of you, it's sickening, really."

"Edmund! Susan!" Peter snapped, standing up and putting his hands on his hips. "No friends over tonight, and that goes for both of you."

"Oh, Peter," Susan sighed, walking over to her brother and patting him on the shoulder. "Poor jealous Peter."

"What?" Peter wrinkled his nose at her and pouted in confusion.

"I know you miss me when I'm not around." Susan started to get a little teary-eyed. "I completely understand, I would miss myself, too, if I wasn't me."

"That doesn't even make sense." Edmund pointed out.

"Listen," Susan's tone got a little less gentle and more cranky-sounding. "I know you want to hang around me and bask in the glory of my Susanness but you have to share me with the rest of the world."

Peter rolled his eyes.

"As much as I would love to 'bask in the glory of your Susanness'," Edmund chuckled in disbelief, making air quotes while he spoke. "I have a life. And as hard as it may be for you to understand, I have my own friends and I am inviting them over tonight."

At that same moment, Edmund and Susan's eyes both wandered over to the phone and they both took off and made a mad dash for it while Peter rubbed his eyes and said something about needing a nap.

Edmund got to the phone first but Susan reached out and tried to pull it away from him as he held on tight, refusing to let go.

"Come on, Ed." Susan pleaded, realizing the tussle was making her sweat and the sweat was going to make her make-up smudge. Aslan forbid that should happen and she should look anything less than perfect. "I need the phone."

"I had it first." Edmund reminded her.

"I'll pay you." Susan said, reaching into her purse and pulling out some money.

"Sure you'll pay him but you never give me anything." Peter grumped.

"Here!" Susan tossed some money at both of them. Peter shook his head, repeated himself about needing a nap and dashed upstairs.

"If there is any sign of either of you having friends down here when I wake up, I'll tell Mum and get you both ground until the end of the century." Peter threatened over his shoulder. "Because I am..." Then he stopped, turned around, glanced out blankly into space again-the drum roll starting up once more. "High King Peter," He snapped his fingers. "The magnificent!"

 _Peter's voice cutting into the story:_ "Come on, Ed! Seriously? I do _not_ say my own full name and title that often!"

 _Edmund's voice answering:_ "Whatever, Pete. Just let me finish!"

 _Peter's voice:_ "Fine, fine, I just thought it was a tad inaccurate."

 _Edmund's voice:_ "Oh, hush up."

Laughing wildly, Peter threw his head back and howled just as a bolt of lightning flashed outside sending rays of purple-yellow light through the window for a brief second. Then, turning on his heel, he tripped going up the stairs.

"I think I willed that to happen." Edmund whispered to Susan.

Susan slapped him on the arm. "That's not a nice thing to say, Ed." But lowering her voice she added, "On the other hand, he did sort of deserve it."

"Yeah," He agreed, folding his arms across his chest. "And it's his fault I almost fainted in the bathroom this morning."

 _Peter's voice cutting into the story:_ "Alright, you've made your point! Now enough about the bathroom."

 _Edmund's voice answering:_ "It's not over until the fat lady sings."

 _Peter's voice:_ "No need to bring Aunt Alberta into this."

 _Susan's voice:_ "Peter!"

A little while later, Edmund's friends from the rugger team finally arrived. They sat on the couch quietly, discussing literature and sports like proper young gentlemen when all of a sudden, Susan's friends came in bringing more than half of the students from their school-and the boy's school next door-with them. At first, everything was fine, everyone was happy and swaying to a little bit of classical music. Then, Peter came down the stairs and turned off the radio.

"I want you all out of my house now!" Peter screamed, throwing his hands in the air angrily. "It's getting way too wild. How dare you all have fun when I said not to? I am..." He paused dramatically once more about to say his title when a large guy suddenly grabbed him and shoved him into a closet. From behind the door, there came a muffled, "High King Peter the magnificent."

Then Susan ran by in a desperate attempt to get away from some nerdy-looking boy who was calling after her, panting on the staircase. "Phyllis, wait! I can't run that fast, I have asthma!"

Meanwhile, things were starting to get a little more wild because Susan's idiot friends had decided to turn the music up louder and spike the punch.

 _Susan's voice cutting in:_ "That would explain the hangover."

Edmund was just about to intervene, stop the party, and get Peter out of the closet when someone tapped him on the shoulder from behind.

"Not now." Edmund said shortly, not because he was cross but because he was in a hurry to keep the house standing in one piece.

"I'm sorry, I wont bother you." A girl's voice said, as whomever was behind him started to walk away.

Edmund made the mistake of turning around to look at her and saw that she was about his age, very pretty, and her eyes were puffy like she'd been crying. His expression softened. "Hey there, wait a second. Are you all right?"

"No." The girl whimpered, biting her lip like she was trying not to cry. "My boyfriend just broke up with me."

"Aw!" Edmund put his hand on her shoulder. "You poor thing."

"You're the host right?" She asked weakly.

"Yes." Edmund admitted.

"Do you think I can use your phone to call my dad to come and get me?" She asked, peering up at him through her tear-filled eyes.

"Of course." Edmund led her over to the phone.

"He's not picking up." The girl wailed when her father didn't answer.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Edmund asked gently.

"Sure, I would love to!" the girl said, looking a little comforted. "We all would."

" _We_?" Edmund echoed in confusion.

The next thing he knew, he was on the back porch listening to eight girls cry about their idiot boyfriend. As it turned out, he'd been dating all eight of them-none of them knew about it, of course-and he had picked tonight of all nights to break up with all of them and announce he was moving to America.

_End of Edmund's story_

"And then Mum showed up and drove the girls home while dad pulled me back into the house by the ear." Edmund finished sadly, sweeping up some unidentifiable sludge with the dust pan.

Susan and Peter stared at him with their eyebrows sunk deep into their foreheads in confusion.

"I just realized something." Peter said to Susan. "If you were hiding, I was in the closet, and Ed was letting those girls cry all over him as opposed to letting his poor responsible older brother out of said closet, _none_ of us were actually at the party for any extended amount of time."

"I _told_ you it wasn't my fault things got out of hand." Edmund reminded him.

"Interesting theory, Ed, but someone does have to take responsibility for this eventually." Peter pointed out.

"Well if it wasn't for that annoying boy I met at the subway station, I would have been able to stop the party and let you out of the closet and Edmund would have still been able to comfort the weeping girls." Susan realized, reaching for another garbage bag.

"So this was all _his_ fault?" Edmund asked, warming up to the idea.

Susan shrugged. "Pretty much."

"You're blaming someone and you don't even know his name?" Peter asked disbelievingly.

"Um, yes?" Susan shrugged her shoulders.

"Alright." Peter gave in. "Works for me."

"You know, since we didn't get to have any fun at the party last night, maybe next weekend-" Edmund started.

"No!" Susan and Peter shouted back at once. "No bloody way."

"I'm kidding!" Edmund chuckled, winking at them.


End file.
